I was watching a talk of Yalın Alpay, who is a
Turkish writer, on YouTube about his feelings related to the age of 40. At some
point, I paused the video when I heard his wise words refined through 40 years
of life with philosophical inquiries about the uncertainty of life. Here is his
statement:
"My understanding of life since the twenties
has been about making peace with the uncertainty of life. Life becomes livable
when you accept that it is truly uncertain. So, living is a bit of the art of
managing uncertainty. If you can manage uncertainty, I think you can move
forward. If you can't manage, in order to avoid uncertainty, to find a reliable
port, you have to reject most things and settle for much less, and this leads
to unhappiness. Therefore, it is necessary to accept the uncertainty, that is,
that oscillation first."
As I looked at the screen, dazzled, and listened to this statement over and over again, since I was struggling to manage the uncertainty at this stage of my life - I still struggle though. Maybe I felt a little bit relieved knowing there were other people suffering from this uncertainty. As the quote also implies, there is always a trade-off in life between choices from the perspective of uncertainty. I think that nobody can say either of the choices is the correct one. These are just preferences. And we can choose a path based on the circumstances at that stage of our life and these choices are highly influenced by the randomness of life. Neither path is definitively true. But all of them have consequences which we need to understand and sometimes put up with.
I made a career change around the age of 31, choosing to be a researcher in academia. First, I felt like that I was late to start a PhD. Later, I realized that this gave me a mental advantage: I was resilient not to give up at hard times and had a different perspective to find creative solutions for the problems I deal with. At the end of my PhD, I was thinking that I am ready for new adventures in new countries and different research groups. However, nobody told me that the postdoctoral stage can be a black hole in my life and drag me to anxiety in a sea of uncertainty. I need to work on temporary contracts and I need to chase new positions and fellowships/scholarships constantly. After more than two years, this feeling of uncertainty can be exhausting, although I think that I am resilient.
While the uncertainty is very high until you become a tenured professor in academia, it is not more different in private sector. You can be laid off while you have a good position in a big company because something beyond your control happens in the financial world. In fact, there exists a social class that defines individuals working on temporary contracts as the “Precariat,” which combines “precarious” and “proletariat”. I heard this term from a sociologist friend of mine. I was happy to know that some intellectuals already defined it on the basis of the cruelty of capitalism. As a member of this social class, I feel constantly insecure due to the unpredictability of the job market.
As people trying to survive in this capitalist world, we need to find ways to manage this uncertainty. Psychotherapy can help if you can afford it. My naïve way of dealing with it is writing with a stream of consciousness in the mornings. Meditation (backed by a growing body of scientific evidence) and other philosophical concepts like stoicism can also provide assistance. Consequently, there is no way of running away from the cost for doing the job you love. On the other hand, you can unhappily do another job but enjoy a more stable life. In the end, I understand that I cannot avoid the uncertainty of life and the cost of my choices. I will do my best to embrace the uncertainty of life.
Bonus: Yalın Alpay's talk that I mentioned (in Turkish)
Image source: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/black-hole-spiral-space-nebula-7742925/
